Well i am being asked why i am I feeling this way and I also dont know it for sure, but lets dig into my mind and pen my thoughts down to understand what i am thinking nside me.

I dont know I guess I am having trust issues, more insecurity because i think somehow she will always keep looking for something better and never settle because she shys away from any commitment or promise. So I do always feel a continuous void that i feel the need to keep filling because i do think that it makes me sad to with her always feeling inconsistent. I dont always want to be in a constant competition with her lovers.

Well maybe commitment in terms of what I seek for is just me dating her no future promise but still atleast some stability and not hanging in mid air. I do not find a problem in telling others, i find a problem in defining it for myself, what am I to her, a timepass, someone who is just with or someone who will always be with her.

it makes my already complicated life more complicated, I feel like if she doesnt want it to happen, maybe God is trying to show me signals to back off myself , and stay away from her until such time. because right now, even she messaging someone at 2 am in the night affects me, she doing other stuff on the laptop while she talks to me is a problem to me, these shouldnt be but they are, because somewhere deep own inside I dont trust her.
The solution to the problem is that i emotionally insulate myself, by being away and distant