Letting you Go!

I flow, so slow,
But I just don't know,
Where is it I want to go,
And I just let it flow.

Seeing all you smile through me,
And as I plan to take the pain inside me,
I see, All that I want to see,
But I plead, that once you come near to me.

Coz now, I see all that I should have seen,
Looking into the mirror
I don't see what I want to see,
Coz you have taken a part of me.

And I flow , So slow,
into the winter snow,
Trying to find you wherever I go,
While I know you are not here
But I just keep missing you so.

And now, the time is right when I let you go,
So many memories we made alone,
Our distance keeps me crying and moan.
But you were the most beautiful part of me,
All that I prayed I would ever see,
But the time is now and even when I cant see you leave.

I have to let you go,
All your memories I had sown,
Without you I will be more strong.

To see....See the beauty beside me...
Feel it, live it, As I do believe...
That Now I am Alone....
 

What makes me Content...

The day unfolds in front of me and I see the tiny particles of sand in the small beam of light that shines on my face from the window beside me, I see that day has started and that I need to start acting out my daily chores. But in this mundane and monotonous set of events that surround me, I see that I have been falling in love, not with a person, but with my energy. It gives me happiness beyond compare when I see myself rising back from the shackles of inner despair and instilling in myself the positivity with which I was once so full of. Maybe the bad tide has passed, maybe it hasn't but what I am sure of is that I have garnered enough belief to continue with whatever has been my aim and focus on things that I love even in the sight of danger.

I walk today not because I am being forced to in a certain direction but because I am loving the feel of the thorns piercing through my feet as I know what awaits me is far more precious than the pain that I taste at this hour.

Maybe I had become timid in the past as my dreams were not on their right course making me rethink on my dreams altogether. What I have understood now is that it never was about the dream, but the execution to it that will make the difference. No one was stopping me and no one is now, then my feet should automatically embrace what lies ahead and expect the worst out of the situation so that the least of happiness can make me glad and content.

Someone yesterday asked me how can I feel energetic and content at the same time, well, My energy is in me being content and the more that happens, the more I want to change the definition of what makes me feel content. As I see it, the end, that final goal that I will strive my whole life to get, is the final thing that can make me content. The final goal of Serving others. I seek all this energy not to bestow myself with cars and riches but to give others, the not so privileged a chance to stand beside me and compete with me and beat me, that would make me content, satisfied, as I will create opportunities that others could work on and live a much more happier life. All I need is that smile, the smile a young girl on the street has when you give her something to eat, the smile of the old uncle who you like listening to and the smile of all those people who you talk politely and with love to, that will be all I need to continue on this long and beautiful journey.

I believe the world can be such a better place if all we share were smile and all we cared about was the smile of others, the peace of others and the well being of those around us, as they are the source of our happiness and joy.

So yes, every step in this direction that I take brings me closer to God, more content and much more energetic as to the future that my life entails. Good tales cannot be written as well as they could be lived. So I take the example of Mother Teresa and think that if she could affect the community around her in such a soulful way, why can't I?

What am I to lose in this? I believe nothing. Then why not give it all that I have and sow this seed so that the shade of this tree can be used by generations to come, so that with their blessings and prayers, I might be remembered not for my riches but for my compassion.

Goa...A pilgrimage of Insanity!

My trip to Goa was certainly a roller coaster ride,
With organisers setting us rules we couldn't abide
And as we move into our futures, pretty bright,
We will keep these memories by our side.

I stepped into this, knowing that I wouldn't know many,
But with the train journey, coming close, I knew I had to try,
Coz there are only two options in everything,
To try your best or at your present state...cry.

To my amazement, I found people with souls,
With deep and complex personalities.
Trying to find solace in the Entertainability of Goa,
Some could sing, some could dance, some wrote notes, we all had our capabilities.

I love how I got so Comfy,
With faces so new to me,
I felt glad, rather enlightened,
For so much positivity I could see.

Those times of sailing through the air,
And dancing to each beat of the music,
Times when we lay effortlessly in the sea,
And times of incessant singing of melodies.

We did want to loosen up,
To break most of the rules,
In that we found unity,
Like our classes back in schools.

And when all of it had ended,
We had lived two pretty awesome days,
With our hearts young, and our souls alive,
We laughed, we cried, We lived in a million ways.

I refuse to write individually about these beautiful people,
Because what I saw in them could not be put here,
There was so much to learn and absorb,
I was amazed, it was clear.

The waves, the beach, the music, the songs,
The times of the cruise, the swimming pool part,
These memories of the cruise will always be cherished,
In smiles of purity, all evil had perished.

We live, We love, We move on,
I am lucky you are the beautiful souls I stumbled upon,
I do seek to relive this, and build what we have right now,
Hoping you remember this stupid bearded guy,
And thus I take my Bow...



 

Nervous Birthday...

With everything turning around  me, or rather everything being stale and stagnant, I have so much to do and to process. its like the world is rolling faster than what I had believed it to be rolling at a speed of. I am scared, scared about how life would proceed, how my results will be, will my work continue, am I using my time well, is my dream of owning a company going to be fulfilled, will I study all that I have dreamt of, will I live the moments I have dreamt of. going ahead I don't know where I am going nor what I am doing(contrary to public opinion). We all are confused I guess in some way or the other, and maybe I am too.

And I see these network sites where times is rolling for people, maybe it is stagnant for sometime, but it does give me load to see how fast things are changing and how my lack of effort may lead to my lack of bearing the fruit of success. Well maybe I am thinking too hard.

Tomorrow seems to be my 22nd birthday and I got no idea of what to do and how the will be, too pressurised for it actually. I used to love how my parents celebrated it for me, they would make us lie down at 12 am exactly with our eyes closed and keep all the gifts around us, and then when its 12 I used to read out handwritten letters from my Dad Mom and my brother and then open the gifts. I used to love those days, there was no pressure to go party or to show off your pictures on social sites of the party or to think or plan of what is to be done on the day. I used to love when we used to go for birthday shopping at a store called KJ in Ajmer, it had all the cool stuff for kids, I have gotten most of my toys there, and we used to eat ice-creams while the others were busy shopping. My parents pulled all the right strings when it came to birthdays. I think I still live in that mode where I still expect something to happen, but nothing actually does, some birthdays are nice when you are outside, some birthdays you are up studying and some you just feel neglected.

I don't know what this will entail, but as usual I have no expectations, I have never expected because apart from my family, I don't have anyone to expect from, so at this point its pretty damn clear that I miss them....a lot.... and our home. Maybe this is the way to reach till my dreams and hope its rosier.
but people have told me that these paths are not rosy...EVER....and thus I guess I just need to suck it up and keep rolling in the faith that someday all of this, each second that I am investing into myself will payoff and all I have learnt from the people around me will help me in some way or the other to help others and take care of them.

As time is passing by, I guess I am getting more emotional, thinking about whether I am fully utilising the opportunities I have been given. Every around me inspires me, I have friends around me who are happy at living in shabby places, saving a 1000 rupees in a month, and they can still pull out a smile, and even when I just bought a 10k phone, I am still complaining about all the stupid things in my life. Makes me think of myself as someone who doesn't realise the potential of resources he has been so lucky to have received.

Maybe on this birthday, I do not pray it to be very cheery and party like but just a day when I assess where I am at and where I need to reach and pave a way for doing it. To help someone and to make someone smile, guess that is where true value is generated, true emotions are seen and true bonds are made.
Well today I miss people close to me, will help me who really need the help...that's what my birthday plan is!

That Light really shined on me

Departed my soul, into another realm

Seeking to be discovered

I seek some light, I seek enlightment

In darkness my souls is covered

 

I know my power resides in light,

That light she took away from me.

I know she is gone, I know she is lost

Yet my eyes wish only her to see.

 

I wither like a plucked rose,

Like a drying fruit fallen under its tree,

Like a broken glass, it shattered me,

All I am left with is debris.

 

I see, I feel, It’s not like I’m dead,

Just a lot closer to being paralysed.

I think I am moving on in my mind,

But my soul rejects the plea to move.

 

Was this why I chose to write this now,

A final verdict to the lost cause,

Or I still see that light, too distant though,

I seek to mend paths, only because…

Random Ramble

SO there is a lot to write and a lot to tell, some past months have been interesting for me. So much has happened and so much is happening that the pace of the whole things is unimaginable. I seek to know a lot of what I never should have known earlier. I go from a phase where I have begun to love my most dreaded fears, which is nice, considering my past, that is definitely progress.

Also I have been thinking about this, I never purely ramble on this blog, it is always properly planned written text assorted and played out to you in a manner acceptable to most. So here it is, me rambling.....No edits, just me talking basically to myself. Interesting fact: we normally talk to ourselves in our minds and it is so nice when you can write the same shit...uhhh sorry.... things down.

I have been confused lately about my direction, lot of things on my mind and they all seem to be rolling on pretty well, but still I am going through a saddening phase for no reason altogether. It new to me as of now, but lets just say that is exactly the reason I am confused. I do not know How to solve something when I don't see a problem. Maybe I am thinking too much. People have said it to me a lot of times That I think a lot. Maybe I am this time too.

Also it is so interesting that my typing speed has gone up a lot so if anyone wants me to do some assignment for them, they are welcome.:P I can practically write at the same speed I am thinking :)

So I shifted to a new place today, all squeaky clean, nicely painted but not yet cleaned up. its a nice place in the same place. as in another room from the one I was staying in earlier, The fan is FAST....something that we would definitely need in Mumbai...IT IS SO HOTTTTT!!!

Well I guess I am hungry a bit, so probably will go and check out some kela Shop. as in Bananas....:)
Hoping to see you back Lappy, sitting here as stagnant and lifeless as you can be....:)

P.S. Lappy...you are growing old, time is coming near to replace you...:)

 

Blank

That moment in time, where you have so much to think and dwell on that you end up being blank, confused and dis-illusioned. So many thoughts go through your mind, trying to find a solution, trying to pave a way or find one already made. In despair you think of times to come to be gloomy, as you do not know how they are going to turn out to be. You aim for a better tomorrow but you end up spoiling the broth of these problems by adding too many solutions and as a result give out an aura of negativity. A person close to me had told me that at such times, he just closes his eyes and sleeps. Going into the dreamworld makes him get away from all of them. But that is only until he wakes up again, because when he does, he will see all of them sitting patiently beside his pillow waiting for him to get back up and he will have to face them at some point or the other.

We are prone to collecting problems and keeping them for solution later so as to have the present lesser burdening, but we fail to realise that this action of our s will only be a problem for our future as the problems will not just disappear into thin air and vanish, they will stick until they can get an amicable solution to them from you.

What is advisable therefore, is to stand up, face them and say this to them; "Your time is up". The moment we put ourselves to action, problems start to get solved one by one and we end up being far less burdened and far more satisfied as doing something to solve these problems give us a sense of fulfilment and achievement, thus filling our minds with greater confidence to take them head on in the coming future.

You might think that I am just blabbering here, but believe me, I rarely see someone fighting his problems out, mostly I see, sluggishness, laziness, and an incessant hope that all will get better with time. It will......But only when you act and apply yourself.

So Stand up, face your problems and Start Working.

"The Answer to all your problems has always been inside you, Seek it!"

 

The Sound of people laughing around me

The sound of people laughing around me as I sit in an arm chair, reminiscing the times I have had, the memories I have felt, the people I learnt from and moments when I was left alone, in this full, yet empty world.
I see around me and I see emotions, I see layers, and I see masks. People clad in clothes, more so clad in masks. I see some people smiling, on the surface as there hearts are void of love and hollow from within.
Why? I ask Myself?...Why is this world layered in masks of disguise, impossible to see through, impossible to lift the veil?...Why, when all we need is a smile, we seek other, more Material things? It feels as if today, we have closed our hearts and our souls. We closed our lives.

In thinking that we will be happy, we seek truth, we seek kindness, we seek someone who cares but all we actually see and get are people with selfish motives, with ideas of greed, of lust, and of lies. I am in pain in seeing this layer of emotions, which has no deep value construct.

And I see all others here laughing, laughing at others, laughing at people who have had lesser opportunities than them. I ask myself, what have those who are being mocked done to be treated this way. People elevate themselves to be superior just so that they make a divergent society built on the lines of anarchy, where only their ego prevails.
People through time have lost what separates us from other species, the Human touch. The way we take care of people and the way we feel noble constitutes that. But we choose to layer our lives, layered in treachery and our own selfishness. We are becoming what we aimed not to become.

In all these sounds that surround me, I feel alone, alone because I choose not to stoop to this level of inhuman behaviour. These people have made walls so high, that even if I want to reach out, these walls and masks keep me away and I can't. And I still see the people around me, Laughing...

The Other Sex

I ask you, what did we do wrong

To be born this way?

You call me the other sex,

You call me a transgender.

I stand on roads, on signals and stations,

To beg for your mercy and kindness.

I am ashamed to ask for help from the hypocritical you.

But yet I live on,

And live to spread the love of God,

To bless all of you, the creations of the lord,

As you look at me, with hatred in your eyes.

Are we all, not children of God?

Do we all not have an equal right to live?

Then why the hate, why not the love,

We only need that to live.

Did we choose this?

Are we actually to blame?

Not even our fellow humans,

Nothing for us to claim.

But yet I smile,

I smile through my tears.

I am stupid to hope for a miracle,

I know you just don’t care.

You see me as an angry transgender,

Always eager to inflict pain,

But have you ever dwelled, oh fellow humans

The reason for your hurtful disdain.

Have you seen the lives we live?

The sadness that lurks in our mind.

The pain, the gloom, and the hatred we bare

Or are you just so blind.

I dream to see a better world,

One where people don’t start walking away me,

One that learns to love all of us,

One with empathy, which feels the pain I see.

Filip- That Day in School

To say that Filip is inquisitive is highly undermining his capability. He looked at everything like it had a mystery that surrounded it, a story to tell and something to explore. In one of the breaks that he got from class, he went out, roamed around the block of his school. He liked his school; he had seen so much there, for him, this was his outer world, away from his home, away from all that keeps him safe. He wanted to explore, go out in the city, roam around and talk to people and to learn from them, learn how they lived, why they smiled and why they were doing things the way they were doing. These were questions going around in his head, moving like mice in a small room. It was Chaotic inside for him to say the least.

He walked around with a smile, knowing that this smile would mostly get him out of trouble in times when he finds himself in some. He trusted people easily, not because he was young or immature by any chance, but if he certainly believed that there is some good resting in all of us, to get that out, you only need a trigger, a trigger of a smile. He went today towards the nursery block of his school; he thought he would look older than the others, which made him feel that he was somehow older than the ones around him. He felt proud, so he went on.

As he reached into the block, he realised that there was one pathway, which lead to the backside of this building, he had never been there when he was in the same nursery, but now he thought he has grown up, and so he went. But as he went closer he felt that he had to be prepared for any bad thing that can happen to him, so he went beside the tree and pick up a small stick, he thought it would scare away any threat, any harm. He went inside, slowly treaded into the path, his path was very small. Both of his sides were walls taller than what he could ever jump. So he knew the only way to get out of this is to keep treading, keep moving. As he walked a few more steps into the straight looking gulley, he saw a rat, big enough to scare him and he jumped and yelled. He then thought to himself that he had already gotten pretty far in this, it was too late for him to back out. Both of his sides that he could see was the same, only slightly curving angulated walls. He decided that he better move on. He kept moving and with every step he came closer to the end of that pathway, As he exited out of the other end, he saw that he was just on the other side of the building from where he started. So it was just the pathway between the block and the school compound wall. He thought to himself, that this was one of the most wasteful things he has done, as he just ran through one side of the building to the other. Little did he know that what he did was overcoming his fears, and seeing something through the end. After he saw what was at the other end, the pathway mystery was solved for him which made it seem less interesting. But the thrill of the journey was something that made him smile, also the satisfaction of finally seeing the truth. He thought to himself, that he would have known this now, if he never made the bold move of going in with just a stick. The Break was over; he went back to his class contently.

As the hour went further, he was called for by a teacher that had taught him when he was in nursery. Filip was quite the favourite for this Mam. Filip had always been fond of chocolates, he was habituated to eating chocolates as his first ever friend, Sharad and him, had always brought chocolates in the class. They were the best of friends, he was Filip’s Best and first friend. They never shared their treats with anyone else. This was the reason for his addiction to chocolates. They made him happy and smiling. He loved them. So Fillu Mam(That was what he called him) had come to his class as she liked to give all the toffees she received from the other kids to him. Filip loved this Mam, as she always brought him chocolates and something to treat on. For him, it was a Noble Act. She always thought he was very cute as he never failed to smile.

 All in all this was a good day, as he found something new about himself and his other home and felt glad that he had the courage to do it. He also got some toffees and chocolates from his favourite mam, which made his day even merrier. He smiled and lived on…

FILIP- The soul of the boy

He looks down on his notebook, looks at the incomplete drawing of Donald duck he was able to make, and smiled at himself. He took the drawing, line by line and perfected it, to the best of his abilities although it needed some more polishing to be done. He could see his drawing popping out and smiling back at him, and then his imaginary beautiful world was broken by the teacher who hit him with a chalk to get him back into the class. He had sensed something of this sort was about to happen so he came back to the real life, promising himself to finish the drawing he was working on in the breakfast break.

The break came soon, and with his eager mind, already having sailed past the teacher’s teachings and the class, into the out world, with his small brain, waiting patiently for it to be active again, he took out his pencil and rubber to draw again. It is like for this boy, the only thing that mattered was to draw, to create something of his own. He did not understand the need of becoming the stone among the other 64 stones which sat in the class, thinking that they were going to learn something. These thoughts were depressing, seeing as they come from an 8 year old, who hasn’t yet seen much of what life entails.

He opened his notebook again, started to draw, as all the other kids went out with their lunchbox, out to play and eat what their mothers had prepared for them. In all this chaos, he was the only one, who sat down even when the teacher had left. Yes, in some time, he did make the Donald duck pretty accurately for his age. He looked at it, and smiled, thinking to himself like he had surpassed another BIG obstacle in life. Eating food was not one of his favourite things to do, so he opened his tiffin, took a bite or two as he walked towards the birds park in his school. He mostly talked to himself, as he thought he needed to explore himself first, in order to be good and acceptable to the outer world. He passed the huge garden where all of his friends were playing and spending there break in the sun, sweating and running across the ground to take possession of a ball. Somehow all this never intrigued him, and so he went away from the screaming and yelling to the place where he could here birds chirp, his heaven. There he took all his food out of the box, and placed in on an elevated ground. This very moment some five or six birds came to him and tried to grab most of what they could get from the food. He sat there, looking at them eat as every bite that they took filled him with inner happiness and life. He sat there as it felt like an eternity to him. The half hour break soon finished and he went back to the class to follow some more of his great endeavours.

He looks at his notebook, the label read:

Name: Filip George Class: II-A School: St. Anthony’s Sr. Sec. School.

He thought to himself, when will this end, he was impatient as all things around him were moving far too slowly from the speed he wanted them to move at. He wanted to reach out, see the world and feel the bad and good parts of life. But he kept his calm, opening back his notebook on to the page where he drew Donald Duck. He saw the drawing and felt that it was incomplete, as it was just a drawing which didn’t relate to a background. For him, the garden backdrop behing the cartoon was as important, if not more, as the cartoon himself.

He wanted to make it feel more alive, he thought of the idea of making an imaginary background for the cartoon he loved a lot. He sat tight, thinking of what to make…

Waves

Waves…

They have a weird way, these waves, of telling stories to this young hearted soul. I think to myself today…”Why do I write, why do I pen down what I feel?”

After a lot of thoughts that went through my head, one that really stuck out was “I don’t know”. I do not know why I write, just as I do not know why I breathe. It’s I think this labyrinth of emotions that we are always in which makes life interesting.

Today the waves are high, I see the ever so shining water, one that is always calm and composed, to be playful today. Wave after wave as the waves hit the shore, I see a splash of water as it breaks down into smaller little pearls.

I see no point in waking up the next day or in sleeping soundly either. It’s as if I am cut loose from the past and the future, and the only things that goes in my mind is the “present”…”This Moment”.

Will I be sitting at this same very place again? Would I have just 10 bucks in my pocket then or will I have something more? Will I be the same person I am now, and if changed, will I still be looking up at myself and being proud?

I see mistakes, of judgement, of character, most of which I would have sailed my way past. The questions I ask myself is ‘Will I appreciate all or most of what I appreciate now?’….Think people…..’Will You???’

Have I found the answers of all these….’NO’

I am only human…

But the time will come when I will look back at what I had done and what I could do and go into retrospection of all my actions.

Would I be with same girl? Would I have left the one girl who loved me truly?

There is so much to seek and so less time to take in and absorb, So use your time wisely!

And it Pours on me

We all feel lost, disillusioned if I may say. We try to find ways, make ways, pave ways and mostly cut ways to shorten them to reap the profits much in advance to the time we actually deserve it. We attain ourselves, seek ourselves and fulfil our deepest wishes through every breath we take in. Remember at this juncture that I am outcasting all those who do not seek to be something, wandering aimlessly looking into this world from the outside-in.

Today it poured in the place I reside in, as I still walked calmly through the rain, I saw all others (mostly) just running, running as they were afraid, afraid to get wet, afraid to let their weakness out, shown to the world, making themselves vulnerable, as if it was not water but acid flowing through the womb of the heavens.

I closed my eyes, making the most of the moment, trying to seek the sound and echo of that drop which had just hit my cheek, compartmentalising all other noise. As I found it, I smiled, seeking the happiness within, which I undoubtedly found. A series of flashes of memories was what I started to see, and in every moment I started to see more of what I am, more of what I have resulted into, more of what I had learnt rather than what I saw. Believing in myself, thinking into the future, I pictured myself with the people I want to be with at the end, if there is one, as I believe there is none.

We never fail to try, but believe me, if you have, think again, because that is probably your time to wander into wilderness and say hello to the grim reaper. This may seem a bit negative but yes it is the truth, if you do not know why you exist, there is no point to exist, to subsist, and to survive. If you still cannot find something you were brought on earth to do, think of just spreading happiness, by this I do not mean go party and live life like it is going to end tomorrow (that is selfish), happiness is when you make others smile, genuinely, truly, make them feel complete, make them feel needed. Maybe you were brought here to do just that.

Life is short, do you want to spend it making others happy as you live and sad as you leave, or, be selfish, think about yourself and lose the love that you could have found. Time doesn’t walk backwards.

“Ye pal kabhi nahi lautenge”

When I was in my formative years, there was a song we practiced to sing, it read:

“The time to be happy is now

The place to be happy is here

And the way to be happy is to make someone happy

And we will have a little heaven right here,
And we will have a little heaven right here...

This song stuck out for me, it had an appeal from the start for me. Why?...I do not know…or wait...   I DO KNOW!

Life's a Beach

Life is a Beach

Yes I believe this as the best metaphor for life.

Why do I feel So?
Well, sitting silently at a beach, my mind tends to wander around the important essential elements of life which all exist due to various other related events that took place, had they been any different, the results emanating from them would surely be impossible to predict and to dream about. It always feels like those small soft sand particles which slips over each other gives effect of a sliding and rolling surface. Yes, what makes that happen is the water, the sea and in our case time. Time takes you, with every new moment, into another realm, a realm which we design based on how we use our time and what we choose to be. It pulls you in to your world, into your thoughts and asks you to take decisions.

Waves I believe is also one of the most beautiful element of the beach. It makes us learn how to keep going, how to fight back and also how to keep our courage in the face of adversity, thus making us see, what we really seek to be. The unstoppable continuity with which each wave hits the coast is such a beauty to see, only because it just keeps coming back and with every blow tries to take a part of the earth with it. Yes it destroys sand castles, yes it removes a new patch every time it goes away, but that is only because it is determined to go through anything that comes in its way.

And as these thoughts fill my mind, I am suddenly startled back into reality by my friend and I see the dark blue sky of the night, with the moon ever-so-shining brightly on to the ocean, the waves calm and composed keep coming towards me, ,making me feel like someone was talking to me, someone from the heavens above. And the roaring silence in the waves and the soft growl in the air made me walk towards the waves. Feeling the breeze as I touch the cold water on my feet, I start to think...

I saw all the times that have changed and all the people that have come and gone through my life flashed before me and everything I have learnt from them made me smile. As I thought this, I look at the waves, taking away sand from under my feet as I stand at the same place. I saw that with every blow it took some part of me, like all the situations you get into life, make you choose a path to walk on, and it ultimately takes away the past. Life is so much like the waves, as life always will take back something from you and give something to you with every situation you find yourself in.

But this is also to be remembered that if you stand at the same place and look into your past, wanting to go back and relive it, you will find yourself being sucked in. I could see my feet now totally covered and sucked in about half a feet as I think about things of the past. I see this, and I move, picking up my feet (now full of sand) and step to another place in the waves. If you wish to be in your past, not wanting to change and take a new step in the present, life will suck you in ultimately thus making you a slave of the past and not the visionary of tomorrow. I gasp, come alive again and look at the beauty of nature in front of my eyes...

I could see in front of me the white light of the moon on the ocean making it shine like ice that I could play on. Life is a beauty but you need to take in the essence at every juncture of your life. That is what will fill our souls with smiles and cheer, with Peace and Happiness, with Purity and Light.

"Free yourself from the clutches of sadness and breathe like the ocean with a blue sky above you. This will redeem you."

Missing those long Gone...

Hello,

I am a guy who talks to himself,I am a guy who has his faults, I am a guy who has his fair share of good and bad days and yes I have some what of a dual personality, the exploration of which, I haven't done to the needed level. But all I see through my time on this earth is that there are moments of joy, moments of happiness, and moments of cheer. These moments even when they are less are the times we seek all through our lives. These moments might only be less than ten in a whole lifetime, if you are lucky as they are the moments of glory, the moments of pride for you and the people who care about you. These moments are like the other open end of the tunnel which shows the light for us to forget and cross over the sorrows and darkness of the present.

The journey to this light is the actual part, the part that matters, the part where you soak in all that you have learnt during the course of your journey and apply it with your purest will to go through time and taste happiness. These are the moments of realization, the moments of painful truth, the moments of introspection and the moments when we have fallen down and we need to get back up and face this world and it's mean people.

Now, all that stands between us and the light is time, and obviously the people around us. This so called concept of society works in weird ways, as it bases itself on the most unpredictable of all kinds; "Humans".

There are so many times in my life that I have met someone, became a good friend of them and thought that this friendship will last through the tides of time, but time and again I have been made to feel and notice the way humans behave, as for them, friendship is temporary, temporary to the time they Gain from it, to the time they need something, to the time they feel lonely, as the moment they actually move, change their lives and stop gaining from it, they leave and don't seem to care.

This so-called hypocrisy and selfishness that I have noticed has changed the way I see things in life. All those who I have lost through this time, I will always inside my heart keep urging them to come back. But I guess that wouldn't matter and neither me writing this, as in this world, what you do is more important than who you are doing it with. The society in its present state stands to lose the only charm it has, its 'Human Touch'. 

I do not want to be a successful person, but just a person who has people to talk to in his death bed, while he holds their hands and promises them smiles. I feel that the people around me have stopped being grateful to people around them, this is changing me too. But I refuse to bow down to this as I know and I believe that Happiness can only be found in the Love from people around you. 

So please go back and think who was special to you and you are not now in contact with and please find time from your busy lives to make them a significant part of your life. Time is ticking...

Changing Variables

Well I write this not because I am sad or that I loathe my decision of leaving someone that I did love, it is about me wanting to say goodbye decently and with all the grace possible. So this is to that person who thinks I have wronged her by not being with her.

Firstly I am very happy for you that in the end you managed to keep up your trust and self belief and did move on from the rut you were in, although I still think what you just did is a vain attempt to come over things and I really believe this might hurt you on the long run.

Nevertheless as I don't matter now, my opinions too don't, and that's fine. All I wish is that once you would think of the good times we have had and leave it at the beautiful parts of this relationship and it's memories. The only sad thing is that you hold me responsible for all that has happened to you when all that has happened to you is that you now love someone else, and have a much better job and career in a much better place.

I do not ask for gratitude or gratefulness because it really doesn't matter at this juncture, just so that you remove the newborn hatred you have for me considering all that we have been through together.

I will not apologise to you because all I wanted was to see you happier and you weren't that way with me. So what I chose was my decision and what you did was your childish behaviour, all I need is that we keep this in or books as profits and not losses.

You are an awesome person and I will always want the best to happen to you, may you find what you  need from whomever you need it from.

My life

This is that time of my life which is going very good for me, very beautifully and very peacefully. There are surely some hurdles that I have to pass through, but most of this leg of the race is filled with energy around me and more importantly inside me. I am starting to see myself differently than how I saw myself sometime from now in the past.

Respect, love and affection is surely something in abundance now, people who I love are too, but my dream, the dream of my life is surely changing, modifying and disappearing at a very fast pace. A pace I do not like.

My longer term goals are under great jeopardy right now as I am surfacing at the sea when the real place for me to be is the Depths of the ocean. I need to get back to where I was, even though a bit dejected, but doing what I can in time. This is one thing I should not lose, no one should. Life has been so much better for me since I made plans and tried to stick to them. That is life, and that is success when done over a period of time.

I know what I write right now may not be useful to the people who read this, but guess this is just my mood to talk about what I feel and not about how people should feel. I certainly have seen a lot of this world by now, of how situations unfold and how events occur in your life when you are least expecting them too.

I still say to myself that I do not deserve the success I have achieved till now, neither the applaud that comes along with it. I have been average all through, just with a zeal to learn new things and be good at them. Yes I am social, but that's all I am, I can make friends easily, but when it comes to sticking to them, I am not sure if I am good at that.

Life over a certain period of time becomes repetitive for me, unlike my opposites, for whom it is monotonous. Yes I meet new people and become close to them fast, but I like change, there is only a certain limit to which I connect to people, beyond that I am an introvert who likes to not go closer to people.

As of now, yes my life is going smoothly, I just pray it will in the future as well. As I have walked through this journey, that even if you want them to, very less people stay in your life permanently, the others are just a passing memory of a nice time that get imprinted in your mind.