The Other Sex

I ask you, what did we do wrong

To be born this way?

You call me the other sex,

You call me a transgender.

I stand on roads, on signals and stations,

To beg for your mercy and kindness.

I am ashamed to ask for help from the hypocritical you.

But yet I live on,

And live to spread the love of God,

To bless all of you, the creations of the lord,

As you look at me, with hatred in your eyes.

Are we all, not children of God?

Do we all not have an equal right to live?

Then why the hate, why not the love,

We only need that to live.

Did we choose this?

Are we actually to blame?

Not even our fellow humans,

Nothing for us to claim.

But yet I smile,

I smile through my tears.

I am stupid to hope for a miracle,

I know you just don’t care.

You see me as an angry transgender,

Always eager to inflict pain,

But have you ever dwelled, oh fellow humans

The reason for your hurtful disdain.

Have you seen the lives we live?

The sadness that lurks in our mind.

The pain, the gloom, and the hatred we bare

Or are you just so blind.

I dream to see a better world,

One where people don’t start walking away me,

One that learns to love all of us,

One with empathy, which feels the pain I see.

Filip- That Day in School

To say that Filip is inquisitive is highly undermining his capability. He looked at everything like it had a mystery that surrounded it, a story to tell and something to explore. In one of the breaks that he got from class, he went out, roamed around the block of his school. He liked his school; he had seen so much there, for him, this was his outer world, away from his home, away from all that keeps him safe. He wanted to explore, go out in the city, roam around and talk to people and to learn from them, learn how they lived, why they smiled and why they were doing things the way they were doing. These were questions going around in his head, moving like mice in a small room. It was Chaotic inside for him to say the least.

He walked around with a smile, knowing that this smile would mostly get him out of trouble in times when he finds himself in some. He trusted people easily, not because he was young or immature by any chance, but if he certainly believed that there is some good resting in all of us, to get that out, you only need a trigger, a trigger of a smile. He went today towards the nursery block of his school; he thought he would look older than the others, which made him feel that he was somehow older than the ones around him. He felt proud, so he went on.

As he reached into the block, he realised that there was one pathway, which lead to the backside of this building, he had never been there when he was in the same nursery, but now he thought he has grown up, and so he went. But as he went closer he felt that he had to be prepared for any bad thing that can happen to him, so he went beside the tree and pick up a small stick, he thought it would scare away any threat, any harm. He went inside, slowly treaded into the path, his path was very small. Both of his sides were walls taller than what he could ever jump. So he knew the only way to get out of this is to keep treading, keep moving. As he walked a few more steps into the straight looking gulley, he saw a rat, big enough to scare him and he jumped and yelled. He then thought to himself that he had already gotten pretty far in this, it was too late for him to back out. Both of his sides that he could see was the same, only slightly curving angulated walls. He decided that he better move on. He kept moving and with every step he came closer to the end of that pathway, As he exited out of the other end, he saw that he was just on the other side of the building from where he started. So it was just the pathway between the block and the school compound wall. He thought to himself, that this was one of the most wasteful things he has done, as he just ran through one side of the building to the other. Little did he know that what he did was overcoming his fears, and seeing something through the end. After he saw what was at the other end, the pathway mystery was solved for him which made it seem less interesting. But the thrill of the journey was something that made him smile, also the satisfaction of finally seeing the truth. He thought to himself, that he would have known this now, if he never made the bold move of going in with just a stick. The Break was over; he went back to his class contently.

As the hour went further, he was called for by a teacher that had taught him when he was in nursery. Filip was quite the favourite for this Mam. Filip had always been fond of chocolates, he was habituated to eating chocolates as his first ever friend, Sharad and him, had always brought chocolates in the class. They were the best of friends, he was Filip’s Best and first friend. They never shared their treats with anyone else. This was the reason for his addiction to chocolates. They made him happy and smiling. He loved them. So Fillu Mam(That was what he called him) had come to his class as she liked to give all the toffees she received from the other kids to him. Filip loved this Mam, as she always brought him chocolates and something to treat on. For him, it was a Noble Act. She always thought he was very cute as he never failed to smile.

 All in all this was a good day, as he found something new about himself and his other home and felt glad that he had the courage to do it. He also got some toffees and chocolates from his favourite mam, which made his day even merrier. He smiled and lived on…

FILIP- The soul of the boy

He looks down on his notebook, looks at the incomplete drawing of Donald duck he was able to make, and smiled at himself. He took the drawing, line by line and perfected it, to the best of his abilities although it needed some more polishing to be done. He could see his drawing popping out and smiling back at him, and then his imaginary beautiful world was broken by the teacher who hit him with a chalk to get him back into the class. He had sensed something of this sort was about to happen so he came back to the real life, promising himself to finish the drawing he was working on in the breakfast break.

The break came soon, and with his eager mind, already having sailed past the teacher’s teachings and the class, into the out world, with his small brain, waiting patiently for it to be active again, he took out his pencil and rubber to draw again. It is like for this boy, the only thing that mattered was to draw, to create something of his own. He did not understand the need of becoming the stone among the other 64 stones which sat in the class, thinking that they were going to learn something. These thoughts were depressing, seeing as they come from an 8 year old, who hasn’t yet seen much of what life entails.

He opened his notebook again, started to draw, as all the other kids went out with their lunchbox, out to play and eat what their mothers had prepared for them. In all this chaos, he was the only one, who sat down even when the teacher had left. Yes, in some time, he did make the Donald duck pretty accurately for his age. He looked at it, and smiled, thinking to himself like he had surpassed another BIG obstacle in life. Eating food was not one of his favourite things to do, so he opened his tiffin, took a bite or two as he walked towards the birds park in his school. He mostly talked to himself, as he thought he needed to explore himself first, in order to be good and acceptable to the outer world. He passed the huge garden where all of his friends were playing and spending there break in the sun, sweating and running across the ground to take possession of a ball. Somehow all this never intrigued him, and so he went away from the screaming and yelling to the place where he could here birds chirp, his heaven. There he took all his food out of the box, and placed in on an elevated ground. This very moment some five or six birds came to him and tried to grab most of what they could get from the food. He sat there, looking at them eat as every bite that they took filled him with inner happiness and life. He sat there as it felt like an eternity to him. The half hour break soon finished and he went back to the class to follow some more of his great endeavours.

He looks at his notebook, the label read:

Name: Filip George Class: II-A School: St. Anthony’s Sr. Sec. School.

He thought to himself, when will this end, he was impatient as all things around him were moving far too slowly from the speed he wanted them to move at. He wanted to reach out, see the world and feel the bad and good parts of life. But he kept his calm, opening back his notebook on to the page where he drew Donald Duck. He saw the drawing and felt that it was incomplete, as it was just a drawing which didn’t relate to a background. For him, the garden backdrop behing the cartoon was as important, if not more, as the cartoon himself.

He wanted to make it feel more alive, he thought of the idea of making an imaginary background for the cartoon he loved a lot. He sat tight, thinking of what to make…

Waves

Waves…

They have a weird way, these waves, of telling stories to this young hearted soul. I think to myself today…”Why do I write, why do I pen down what I feel?”

After a lot of thoughts that went through my head, one that really stuck out was “I don’t know”. I do not know why I write, just as I do not know why I breathe. It’s I think this labyrinth of emotions that we are always in which makes life interesting.

Today the waves are high, I see the ever so shining water, one that is always calm and composed, to be playful today. Wave after wave as the waves hit the shore, I see a splash of water as it breaks down into smaller little pearls.

I see no point in waking up the next day or in sleeping soundly either. It’s as if I am cut loose from the past and the future, and the only things that goes in my mind is the “present”…”This Moment”.

Will I be sitting at this same very place again? Would I have just 10 bucks in my pocket then or will I have something more? Will I be the same person I am now, and if changed, will I still be looking up at myself and being proud?

I see mistakes, of judgement, of character, most of which I would have sailed my way past. The questions I ask myself is ‘Will I appreciate all or most of what I appreciate now?’….Think people…..’Will You???’

Have I found the answers of all these….’NO’

I am only human…

But the time will come when I will look back at what I had done and what I could do and go into retrospection of all my actions.

Would I be with same girl? Would I have left the one girl who loved me truly?

There is so much to seek and so less time to take in and absorb, So use your time wisely!

And it Pours on me

We all feel lost, disillusioned if I may say. We try to find ways, make ways, pave ways and mostly cut ways to shorten them to reap the profits much in advance to the time we actually deserve it. We attain ourselves, seek ourselves and fulfil our deepest wishes through every breath we take in. Remember at this juncture that I am outcasting all those who do not seek to be something, wandering aimlessly looking into this world from the outside-in.

Today it poured in the place I reside in, as I still walked calmly through the rain, I saw all others (mostly) just running, running as they were afraid, afraid to get wet, afraid to let their weakness out, shown to the world, making themselves vulnerable, as if it was not water but acid flowing through the womb of the heavens.

I closed my eyes, making the most of the moment, trying to seek the sound and echo of that drop which had just hit my cheek, compartmentalising all other noise. As I found it, I smiled, seeking the happiness within, which I undoubtedly found. A series of flashes of memories was what I started to see, and in every moment I started to see more of what I am, more of what I have resulted into, more of what I had learnt rather than what I saw. Believing in myself, thinking into the future, I pictured myself with the people I want to be with at the end, if there is one, as I believe there is none.

We never fail to try, but believe me, if you have, think again, because that is probably your time to wander into wilderness and say hello to the grim reaper. This may seem a bit negative but yes it is the truth, if you do not know why you exist, there is no point to exist, to subsist, and to survive. If you still cannot find something you were brought on earth to do, think of just spreading happiness, by this I do not mean go party and live life like it is going to end tomorrow (that is selfish), happiness is when you make others smile, genuinely, truly, make them feel complete, make them feel needed. Maybe you were brought here to do just that.

Life is short, do you want to spend it making others happy as you live and sad as you leave, or, be selfish, think about yourself and lose the love that you could have found. Time doesn’t walk backwards.

“Ye pal kabhi nahi lautenge”

When I was in my formative years, there was a song we practiced to sing, it read:

“The time to be happy is now

The place to be happy is here

And the way to be happy is to make someone happy

And we will have a little heaven right here,
And we will have a little heaven right here...

This song stuck out for me, it had an appeal from the start for me. Why?...I do not know…or wait...   I DO KNOW!

Life's a Beach

Life is a Beach

Yes I believe this as the best metaphor for life.

Why do I feel So?
Well, sitting silently at a beach, my mind tends to wander around the important essential elements of life which all exist due to various other related events that took place, had they been any different, the results emanating from them would surely be impossible to predict and to dream about. It always feels like those small soft sand particles which slips over each other gives effect of a sliding and rolling surface. Yes, what makes that happen is the water, the sea and in our case time. Time takes you, with every new moment, into another realm, a realm which we design based on how we use our time and what we choose to be. It pulls you in to your world, into your thoughts and asks you to take decisions.

Waves I believe is also one of the most beautiful element of the beach. It makes us learn how to keep going, how to fight back and also how to keep our courage in the face of adversity, thus making us see, what we really seek to be. The unstoppable continuity with which each wave hits the coast is such a beauty to see, only because it just keeps coming back and with every blow tries to take a part of the earth with it. Yes it destroys sand castles, yes it removes a new patch every time it goes away, but that is only because it is determined to go through anything that comes in its way.

And as these thoughts fill my mind, I am suddenly startled back into reality by my friend and I see the dark blue sky of the night, with the moon ever-so-shining brightly on to the ocean, the waves calm and composed keep coming towards me, ,making me feel like someone was talking to me, someone from the heavens above. And the roaring silence in the waves and the soft growl in the air made me walk towards the waves. Feeling the breeze as I touch the cold water on my feet, I start to think...

I saw all the times that have changed and all the people that have come and gone through my life flashed before me and everything I have learnt from them made me smile. As I thought this, I look at the waves, taking away sand from under my feet as I stand at the same place. I saw that with every blow it took some part of me, like all the situations you get into life, make you choose a path to walk on, and it ultimately takes away the past. Life is so much like the waves, as life always will take back something from you and give something to you with every situation you find yourself in.

But this is also to be remembered that if you stand at the same place and look into your past, wanting to go back and relive it, you will find yourself being sucked in. I could see my feet now totally covered and sucked in about half a feet as I think about things of the past. I see this, and I move, picking up my feet (now full of sand) and step to another place in the waves. If you wish to be in your past, not wanting to change and take a new step in the present, life will suck you in ultimately thus making you a slave of the past and not the visionary of tomorrow. I gasp, come alive again and look at the beauty of nature in front of my eyes...

I could see in front of me the white light of the moon on the ocean making it shine like ice that I could play on. Life is a beauty but you need to take in the essence at every juncture of your life. That is what will fill our souls with smiles and cheer, with Peace and Happiness, with Purity and Light.

"Free yourself from the clutches of sadness and breathe like the ocean with a blue sky above you. This will redeem you."